The Near End of Phase 1 in UK

Its 3.40am, I can't sleep. Currently listening to: Peterpan - Semua Tentang Kita.I was thinking about alot of things. I guess its because I'm really excited. I feel happy and very Excited...about going home :') soon..very soon!! God, I miss home..Not because of the country, but my family and friends that are there (if they weren't there, I wouldn't even give a shit about the country.ahahahhaa)

I've been away for 4 months and it felt so long. I guess it's because it's my first time so far away from home. Who would have thought that I ended up here in UK of all places. Life is different here thats for certain. Its expected. My independence..being able to make my own decisions. Although, I'm sometimes not treated nicely by the guys sometimes, but I don't care, it would have been better then having no bruneians here with me.

Have I changed?? I dunno really. Doesnt feel that way..and I'm glad. OK, I dont like the part of me being messy (I cause the mess in the room), sleepy all the time and lazy (last minute work). Even so, I still survive up till now. What have I accompliseh here? well..maybe I have proven that a weird guy like me can still do his homework and is able to travel alone. Hmm..I' m able to manage my finance and all.

When I tried sleepin earlier, I kept thinking about how is it going to be like when I get back; hows home like, how my family is doing and what have my friends been up to. I want to meet everyone. Of course, family comes first..Mom, Dad, Tina, Adi, Ajim, Arib, Rina, Akim, Nini bini and Laki =)

Friends that I want to meet; Mirul (my bestfriend for 9 years now), Hassan, Faiz, Nabil, Zainol, Ryhme, Abu Bakar, Hanz, Hilmi, Ariffin, Hadee, Zai (ruruchan XD), Fatin (Fart), Siti (Hasan's sister), Fizah(my close friend from SMB), Munirah (Mahirah's sister), Effa (you owe me a picture!!) and...I dunno XD ehehe..I want to go play Counterstrike with guys just like old times, go out with ruruchan, go do crazy things with Faiz and Rhyme, meet up with Fatin..Anything would do :) I miss guys..Yes, the cats at home too XD I wana play around with them again; tiger, stitch, kat and a new kitten i think.

I met my tutor yesterday, he justed wanted me to sign my assignment. I passed and got 64% my shipboard management (which is higher than my other brunei colleagues XD and mr. Weston said that he liked my paper. He said I could have added more (he doesnt know that it was very kast minute work.ehehehe) and not answering 1 of the questions. So for overall, I only has to do 1 resit. Which is my Navigation Aids paper. I did good I guess..for a lazy ass such as myself. The some of the other guys had to do more than 1 resits and do their 1 of their assignments again. I wish them all the best. 1 resit is enough. Thank god the company is paying for our first resits.

Yes, Me and illa's 1st year anniversary is soon on the 23rd. Yeah, no one knew about us till the 21st of April which was illa's bday. I got hit alot by ipin and pu3 back then since they were really curious about who illa's boyfriend was. Yeap, they gave me quite a beating :\ But unfortunately, I wont be in Brunei yet for the Anni.So..I'll think of something.

Looking back at 2007, its been a good year. A very good year for me :) Got a job at the bank after Alvls, got into a couple with Suhailla, Got the BST scholarship, went out of the country (actually out of Borneo) for the first time, went travelling for the first time..because of this, I can actually help my family. I can give some money to my mother each month so that she buy stuff for herself and for the kids. Above all the things I want to and dreamt for in life, is to help my family and give them a good better life. Nothing beats that. I swear that I will bleed and sweat so that they stay safe and happy. Its the best I could do for them.

I have no resolutions for this year at first. I was feeling lost again. I kept going crazy and wanted to be alone again. Away from others. I had to stop. I want to get back on track. It was going well at first and now I'm going to make sure that it remains that way. My resolutions:

• I need to start praying more and more
• Need to stop being forgetful, sleeping in class and do last minute work
• Be alot more patient than I'm used to. I need it when for my sea phase in order to go on with the course.
• A better physical image
• Doing all this without letting myself change ;)

Ceh, ehehhee.I guess I got abit carried away there. I couldnt't help myself.hehehe. Thats about it..Cheers

Ish..Ish..ish..so much to do..so little time

Ok..I'm done with my course.So what now? hmm..still got a few more stuff to do before I get back home.

• Organise my stuff; I need to choose what stuff I'm taking with me home and which stuff I'm leaving here in UK in the luggage I bought at Essex while visiting Mahirah.
• Need to buy Gifts; I need to buy some stuff for my family at home. Problem is, I don't know what to get. Probably gonna buy a necklace for mom, a watch or polo shirt for dad, Tina is so into the 'princess' thing (she's just a lil girl so I don't mind), my kid bros..probably shirts or a form of entertainment and a decoration for my grandmother
• I have one resit to do for my Navigation Aids paper. Going to meet my shipboard management tutor later cause my mates said that he wanted to me. I hope I passed the assignment for it.
• AVP2; yeah, in a few days time, I'll be going to Khairi's house again to watch the movie with them. I'm not expecting anything great but a movie is more enjoyable with friends around
• Download; Yes, need to download as much as I can before I get back to Brunei where internet connection is like the speed of snails.

Right now I've started playing Warcraft 3, the DOTA maps. I dunno what it actually means but its a map where you play as any heroe in the game. I didn't really liked warcraft but since I didn't have any games to play anymore. So..I was desperate and..I found myself addicted to it.ahahaa..There is still no info of when I am going back home. later..

just for this moment

11:09pm - I fucking hate this..one thing to another..what the fuck man?

the usual

I'm just so bored right now. Don't really know what to do. Its 7.15pm right now. No one is clicking on my MSN and there 20+ of my contacts that are online :\ sigh..it sucks really

I'm no attention seeker but it'd be nice if someone to click on me and say 'Hi' and have a good conversation. I dont like being the one who always starts the conversation. (This does not apply to everyone k) So here I am, staring at my stupid laptop..nothing to do. Its lame..makes me feel pathetic of how am I not really someone people enjoy talking to. I might just sign off for a week and no one will even notice.

Hmm..had my leg muscle cramped today during my midday sleep. It was a bitch. I was enjoying my sleep when all of a sudden, it happens. Ended up curling over my bed and cursing : shouted in pain as it came so suddenly. Damn it...my legs havnt had a cramp for a while.

School..currently undergoing EDH (Efficient Deck Hand) or Seamanship course. Been making different types of knot and splices. There were many kinds of kinds of knots and they were very useful and I have to remember them all for my MCA exams at the end of my course. Owh yeah..I passed all my exam papers and assignments except for my Navigation Aids paper. I passed the foundation degree level, its just that I have to meet the MCA requirement which is 65% and I only got a 57%. SO I'm taking the resit which will take place on the week of 21st december.

What else huh? Owh yeah..Munique is together with her Ex again. He decided to meet her parents so that they would have a better relationship especially between families. I wish her the best of luck. Its kinda cool I guess..before they broke last time, they were in a relationship for 5 years. Heh..I hope my relationship can go that far too ;) and yeah, me and her ex(whose now her BF again) have another thing in common; asthma.ahahaha..

I guess thats bout it..

Can't help thinking that I might not really been doing what I've wanted to do all this time. The negatives came back and I feel like i want to be alone again. Away from people who don't care. Sigh..I better stop this. I think too much.

Yahoo Webcam : Munique

Just yesterday, I actually had some use of my yahoo messenger. Munirah (aka munique) who lived with Khairi had a yahoo account as well.

So we chatted and all. It was great really. We also used webcam. She was trying out her cam and for me, well..my webcam only works with yahoo here while using webcam for MSN and skype were blocked by the UNI...damn you!!

Anyways,It was the first time I had a great conversation with someone, a girl, that I just knew for..just a few days?? I'm usually very shy..but We felt so close XD as if we knew each other for years already. We talked about ourselves, the holidays, even problems..Eventhough she's boyish, she still has a feminine side. Thats the good part. We played around with the BUZZ icon at yahoo until either one gives up (which is usually her :p) ehehehe..

She also said that I reminded her of her Ex Boyfriend. Whose a malaysian. So she showed me his friendster account so I know how he looks like. To my surprise, there were some similarities except that I had a beard and he didnt. She also said that I even walk like him.ahahaha...

What made me feel better as well was that..she said I brigthened her day :) I was really surprised. She said that she had a bad holiday and she's going through some things.so we talked and talked.It made me feel good because I needed it.especially after the things that I'm going through..no personal feelings involved ok? :P

I think..we chat from 8pm to 1am i think. Could have gone longer but i had course to do and she has school too..I'm going over to their place again next week to wtch AVP:requeim I hope that It'll be great.. I'm hoping that we'll be good life long friends :)

thats all for now..I'm talking to her right now..later XD

Part 2 - what goes up must come down..

..on the last day at Aberdeen. There was snow XD it wasnt that thick but it was enough for all of us to make snowballs. Peanut and putri were my regular targets.ehehe.Tried my best to have fun that day..not thinking too much about what happened back then..then around 7pm , we went to the bus to go back to London saying our goodbyes (my apologies) to putri..then we finally arrived, Khairi just realised that he lost his camera. I told him not to put it in his jacket's pocket.sigh..

We all parted, duan went back to Winchester, Pnut to her aunt's place while I followed Khairi to Stafford. My trips weren't over yet. At his place, I met with Siti Munirah, a boyish girl who live with Khairi and Nawi, who also takes fine art just like them. So I was in a house full of art students.ehehe.What a coincidence I went on a trip with art students too (peanut and ridwan). ehehe..

there I played their PS3, didn't really gt stuck to it as I didn't have much to play and that I'm not a PS3 fan. I was also able to use webcam then, i used it with Ruru-chan and Fatin. Owh, Ruru hasnt really changed much. She's still the same, I hope I get to meet her when I get back and before I start myself phase. I miss her :')

Stayed there for 2 nights then went back home on the 6th. Took about 7 hrs to get back to southampton. Alone for the first time too.I still managed ;)

sorry,just 1 picture for this post.cheers

my holidays and my life mixed together...part 1

I'm not really ok right.But since I had to do something, I chose to blog.

My holidays for the winterbreak was great I'd say. But not the whole time, things happen along the way. My first trip; Essex was fun.especially trolleying down the hill around the Uni area.ehehe..Owh yea..I had my hair properly straigthened by Pnut and Ridwan, it looked sorta diff at first cz my hair were standing straight making me look like a mad man.ahaha..thank guys

At Aberdeen, I call it the city of grey. Because everything is grey as the wall of nearly every building there was made of graphite. anyways, me and the group; fillah Pnut, Ridhwan and Khairi, stayed in an apartment that I booked online for 3nights. Its a really nice apartment.

We celebrated the new year at the city centre. There were alot of people...drunks overall. But at one point, me and khairi left because he couldn't take the crowd and the booze, which goes for the both of us. So we went back to the apartment and celebrated there with coke and the scottish flag we were given for free.

The next day, we spent the whole day in the house. Just watching televisio, playing my psp and sleep. We've been traveling alot since day one so we decided to take a break for the day. I had my hair straightened again.ehehe..looked alot better then last time though. yeah, peanut with her vanity again. I tell you she can take photos of herself for hours.ahahaha XD

The next day, we went to Stonehaven to see the castle. This is one day that I will not forget. Not because I had fun, because I let myslef spoil the fun by being negative...AGAIN. It something that have been going on for a weeks already...maybe more then a month. My temper and negativity is gettin out of control again. Worst of all, I shouted at a close friend of mine..for reasons that I 'm not clear about. I'm sure its my life here. The treatment I get from some people and all. But I think its all just and excuse of why I'm being this way.I'm gettin lamer i guess..my anger is gettin worst and I'm gettin fucking sensitive about things around me now..sigh..enough about that..sorry guys..