18 Jun 2011

Distance

The main reason why I have not been able to be with a Bruneian Girlfriend, is because majority just can't handle the distance. I'm not trying to be some Stereotype, but met so many girls that has given me the same reaction about having a guy who will spend of his time away. I find it sad but true. I don't see why is so hard to accept the fact that some guys just gotta do what he gotta do to earn some money for a living, especially to provide for a family. Yes, it can get lonely. But remember that you'll both will be suffering and need to stay strong to be together. Sigh. Owh well. I guess its cause I havent met the right Bruneian that time.

So here I am now, with a girlfriend who lives thousands of miles away in UK, and we've been together for about 7 months now and I am still going. I'm not being unappreciative cause I'm not. I'm happy to have someone like her. Similar taste in anime, model collection, drawing and some good music. We're not all the same but hey its fine with me. She doesnt sulk and lets me enjoy my time with my friends, and thats 1 of the traits that I wanted in a girlfriend. Sure, being different in other ways makes it difficult for us but we're still holding up strong. I hope we'll keep this on for as long as we can, and work together to hold this unique of a relationship.

I love her to bit :)

7 Jun 2011

Ongoing Insomniac

Its already past 5am in Brunei, and I still can't sleep. This has been on going for about a week already.

Every time I close my eyes as I lay in bed, I start think about things. Of course, things that are important. I continue to worry about the result of my final assignment. Its been almost 2 months and still no word from the lecturer. Time is short for me. I really need to get this job. I MUST GET IT.

Sure, it sounds cool to have a long holiday. But how can I enjoy it since I'm broke? I'm been reliant on people treating me out, and as much as it is good, I'm not really a big fan of being treated, especially if its too often. Thats the least of my worries. The family needs money ASAP. I've got responsibilities and I can't fulfill them by just sitting my ass right in front of the laptop and play games or just stick on the net. Just like what I am doing right now.

sigh.

Believe me. I've been pestering the lecturer right after I submitted the assignment. and I kept sending emails 2-3 times a week. Reminding him. Checking on progress on marking of the assignment. If there is still nothing by tomorrow, I'll send an email then. Cause he told me that I would be expecting my results EARLY this week if not Late last week.

For as long as I still don't get an answer, I won't be able to get myself to sleep properly. And it really is affecting my health. I'm getting muscle pains, head aches, dizziness, and out of balance even. I just need an ANSWER right now so I know what actions I need to take next if required. Regardless how moderate I believe my work was, I sure hope that I pass it.

Amin Ya Allah. Amin

14 May 2011

Been Ages

Its been a very long time since I last made a post. Probably over 8 months has passed since my last post. What's new?

For starters, things are looking up now; All my written exams had now been cleared, I PASSED my orals examination on my 4th attempt (it took me a long while but i eventually got there) and a proper girlfriend after a very long time.

Now I'm just waiting feedback for 1 of my assignments, once I get the PASS, I'm all set for work. Right now, I don't really have much to do. Almost nothing to do. Sleep, eat, play video games then get back to sleep. That pretty sums up my daily life eversince I got back from UK. I guess it is alright in a way, but in another it isn't.

To be honest, I'm in NEED of a temporary job. Mom needs to stop working soon so there wont be much money to spend to buy our necessasities. In all honesty, she shouldn't even be working at all and that includes housechores because of her spine problems. The brothers arent doing a good job in getting a job.So I might as well try my own luck. But first I need to let the company know, so that I won't get into any trouble for not letting them know i'm working for another company while waiting for my result. Even better, I get the job so I can earn big time wages. But sadly, it wont be happening anytime soon since the lecturer hasn't even started my marking my work yet.

Owh well. Besides that, I miss my girlfriend. I really do. Its sad that even if she was bruneian, it won't be much of a difference cause it'll still feel like a long distance relationship seeing that I spend most of my time away from home. It still is a good thing seeing that I've pretty much lost interest in the local girls. I really do hope that I'll be sent to UK for the induction course so I can see her soon.

That's it from me for now

30 Sep 2010

These feelings mixed together

Its been 3 years. 3 long years. Now I'm near the end of my course. I have finally passed all my exams, and now I'm only left with resit assignments and the orals. Knowing that I passed the exams was quite a relief. Now i just need to pay the rest of my attention to these assignments and get out of here. My flight should be around the 31st oct, maybe earlier or later.

I am excited and can't wait to go back. However I will miss this place without a doubt. I wont miss the crap weather that for sure. But I will miss the places that I've been to, shops they have to offer and most important of all, all the friends that I have made here. I will definitely miss these people. These are 1 of the things that makes me sad. But I know, that we have to part our ways sooner or later. I have made great friends here, surely ones that I will not find back home. I'm not saying that they are better than the ones back home, but are just as unique as the people who I refer to as Real friends.

Maybe one day, I'll come here for a short leave to see them. Maybe. I dunno. I just feel that time is running short for me..

I'll miss you all

3 Sep 2010

owh come on

lol seriously I've really got to give up on this ^^;

The thought counts

As most people say whenever others try to do something for them but unable to deliver; "hey, the thought counts"

I guess I should say the same thing this. I should be happy that the thought that you accepted me counts that things are complicated thats why we couldnt get any further. I need to be grateful. I am, but I guess I feel a sort of dissatisfying?

I believe that its because I've been feeling very lonely before all this. Thats why these feelings are hard to wear off. But I will try my best, because I want to be in control.

Thanks, the thought counts =)

29 Aug 2010

Failure And Lovestruck

Can't believe that I had to put up with failure once again. It was quite unbearable at first, but I pulled through eventually. I saw it coming anyway. My revising techniques was poor and I didn't follow the guidance given by the MGN 69 when I know it could have prevented me from failing. I guess all I could say that is, now I know how the MCA orals is like so I know what to expect in the future.

To be honest, regardless of how many people said I tried my best. I could never believe it. I lasted less than 30 minutes so that was pretty much pathetic. I was mislead. Believing that the most important part of the exam is the COLREGs, it is. But in a way, made me prioritise less in other topics. Now I need to revise again. sigh. I was hoping to use this time to finish my remaining resit assignments. I'm glad that I read the Quran and skipped less of my prayers this time, It kept me strong and not fall too far below after failing the exam. Thank god.

 ( I'll try to keep this in mind this time)

Heh. I never thought that I would have feeling for this girl this long, regardless of how hopeless it is. These feelings has weakened as time passes by. But nevertheless, I could never forget the times I spent with her. The differences between us didn't stop me from feeling this way for her. Love is blind? Damn right it is.

Right now I just wait till I could get this feeling off me. I still feel bad for what I did, more like what I made her do. I am sorry. But how could I ever forget the feeling of having someone you love close to you; having held her in my arms, go places as we held each other's hands tight. It was too wonderful, and too good to be true. I made things complicated.

Now whenever you say that you will 'part'. I don't put any hopes at all anymore. I would only go with the flow, and get what I can. No matter what and how much you say about him, I feel that there is something that you do not want to admit, which is why you're both still together but I do not know to be honest. I do not want to push things my way. I was selfish back then, not anymore. Besides, we will part our ways soon. Sad. But thats how it is for us. I can only cherish the time I have left to spend time with you.

For the first time, I'm gonna write this feeling into my blog..

I LOVE YOU

I never thought my feelings for anyone would ever be this strong. But it eventually did. But hey, I'm thankful for everything that you have given and shared with me. We will always be good friends, for as long times lets us.