Failure And Lovestruck

Can't believe that I had to put up with failure once again. It was quite unbearable at first, but I pulled through eventually. I saw it coming anyway. My revising techniques was poor and I didn't follow the guidance given by the MGN 69 when I know it could have prevented me from failing. I guess all I could say that is, now I know how the MCA orals is like so I know what to expect in the future.

To be honest, regardless of how many people said I tried my best. I could never believe it. I lasted less than 30 minutes so that was pretty much pathetic. I was mislead. Believing that the most important part of the exam is the COLREGs, it is. But in a way, made me prioritise less in other topics. Now I need to revise again. sigh. I was hoping to use this time to finish my remaining resit assignments. I'm glad that I read the Quran and skipped less of my prayers this time, It kept me strong and not fall too far below after failing the exam. Thank god.

 ( I'll try to keep this in mind this time)

Heh. I never thought that I would have feeling for this girl this long, regardless of how hopeless it is. These feelings has weakened as time passes by. But nevertheless, I could never forget the times I spent with her. The differences between us didn't stop me from feeling this way for her. Love is blind? Damn right it is.

Right now I just wait till I could get this feeling off me. I still feel bad for what I did, more like what I made her do. I am sorry. But how could I ever forget the feeling of having someone you love close to you; having held her in my arms, go places as we held each other's hands tight. It was too wonderful, and too good to be true. I made things complicated.

Now whenever you say that you will 'part'. I don't put any hopes at all anymore. I would only go with the flow, and get what I can. No matter what and how much you say about him, I feel that there is something that you do not want to admit, which is why you're both still together but I do not know to be honest. I do not want to push things my way. I was selfish back then, not anymore. Besides, we will part our ways soon. Sad. But thats how it is for us. I can only cherish the time I have left to spend time with you.

For the first time, I'm gonna write this feeling into my blog..

I LOVE YOU

I never thought my feelings for anyone would ever be this strong. But it eventually did. But hey, I'm thankful for everything that you have given and shared with me. We will always be good friends, for as long times lets us.

Keeping things to one's self

I've decided upon myself that I will no longer share my problems with anyone else at all. As of now, any heartbreaking news will stay with me. I do not need anyone to listen to my problems anymore.

This will eat me from the inside, but its something I wish to do now. So far so good. Although, this would mean that by doing this, theres a huge chance that it'll turn me back to my old self. I would want to avoid that, but I have already close my heart. I will take on all my problems on my own and bear with it for as much as I can. I do not want to rely on others any longer. Other people have their own problems to deal with, and I have mine. I am the least of their worries, and I want to keep it that way.

I'll find a way to deal with them as they come. I have my ways

These same Patterns

I'm pretty sure that a lot of people realise that, a whole majority of us follow a similar patterns in life. These patterns that are usually triggered by events that occurs in our daily lives. We go down the positive lane of life when good things happen, and otherwise for bad things that happens.

I have encountered people who has gone through similar patterns which is triggered by a particular event. I observed the number of things that happens after the trigger and the outcome is somewhat; similar.

So I knew what to expect, when another person I run into goes through the same event. I knew what to do and what not. Although similar, I always take account of the fact that no one is ever the same thus would expect the slightest difference in their patterns and adapt to it. This does not always go well, majority of the time it did.

I studied my own patterns. I observed how I would react to things that goes on around me. Like anyone i would react positively or negatively depending on what it is thats happening. For the bad things, slowly I would come to realise what I usually go through and slowly develop a way to prevent myself from repeating mistakes that I make as these things occur.

Some people may not bother to look at the bigger picture of their own lives. They would be blinded by the events that happened, and just let things repeat itself. A never-ending cycle without even realising it.

I would suggest anyone who even bother to read this, to reflect your past lives. To think about the things that happened more than once and how you would react to them. Ask yourself, could you have reacted in a better way? what are your alternatives? Take a bit of time to think about this as the things you do would normally affect or involve other people that you meet or know already.

We can always change to be a better person everyday. You need to believe that you can do it, and actually do it.

Snapped

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?????? I NEED TO GET BACK, GET MY BOOKS AND START REVISING!!

To Cut Off

Sorry I'm just doing what I think its right. I'm a bit different. I would like to be forgotten by people if possible.

Why am I cold? Its because thats really who I am