What is your birthday say about you?

This is just one of the quizzes in facebook. I'm just one of those who tries but never bothered to publish them on my wall. Anyways, just tried the one on birthday. There I mentioned my birthday, 14 being my favourite number and black as my favourite colour because I personally find it sexy. So here's what I got;

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see

Hahaha..I laughed as I read this. Just about 90% of it is right (i have really bad memory >,<) and i especially like the last bit. ahaha x3

Action always speak louder than words

Before I fly off back home, I would like to post a summary of what I have experience and any changes that I have gone through during my stay. Unfortunately, there are worse than there is good in what I’ve gone through.

The good:

I have a more positive attitude. I have developed a form of spirit on how I will fight for a dream that I want to achieve. I have started in going on my travels to wonderful places. Made good friends around UK. Improved my self-confidence. Stand on my beliefs and much more.

I have no interest in looking at the positive side of things. As this is what worries me the most.

The bad:

Instead of improving myself to become the man I want to be, I realized that, I have instead fallen, or have degraded into to that close to a failure. I have to be honest that this is worst of my academic years. I have submitted my assignments late and accumulated a number of resits. To me, this is unacceptable. But I still continue to do so. As I fight to be better, I still yet fail and have fallen. I dislike this lot. In fact, I hate myself for this. There are people’s lives in my hands, yet…I act immature and irresponsible.

I continue to do my assignments at the very last day. Always at the last minute. Ending up pulling an all nighter, which means no sleep for the whole night. This has affected both my health and mentality. And yet, I still continue to do so. I’m always distracted, and put other things at higher priority than others. Worst of all, I don’t know what has been keeping me distracted. games? The internet? Laziness? I say these are just some of the list. But I put the blame solely on myself. I have failed myself yet again. What is wrong with me? Why am I being so selfish? Irresponsible? I do not want this.!!

The very reason why I have put this up is so that I force myself into shame. I do not sympathy. In fact, I should be punish for my immaturity, and my lack of self-discipline. I fail to push myself to limit, honestly I don’t think I have pushed myself at all. I have been doing nothing but playing around. I’m a joke. I have been talking like a great man but I act nothing like it.

I realized that I am FULL OF TALK!! AND NEVER MADE THE ACTIONS!!

I believe this to be true. At least, more than half of it is. I have done well on other things but have failed to proof myself through my education. I have lied to myself. Why did I do this?
One of the reasons is that, I have decreased my religious activities. I have rarely prayed to Allah. Thus I have been punished. It is a lesson for me to learn. I must take it to heart. I know what needs to be done. I need guidance. Spiritual guidance. Faith. I have many to ask forgiveness from.

In my conclusion, I realize what I have done. I wish not to repeat this again. I just hope it is not to late to change things.

I can’t become a real man this way. Sacrifice has to be made as a lot have said. And its nothing but the truth. It’s about time I made my own sacrifice. The pressure will be greater than I can handle. I asked for it. So I have to face it. I turn back to the post that I had made a few months back. I swear that it’s the truth. It is…and I plan to keep it that way.

heh

didn't really expect this to happen..not again. but owh well. I guess if you never change, you will always repeat your mistakes over and over again. I deserved it and I lost it. heh. As strong as i have already become, there are still the darkest side of me that is yet strong enough to overcome me again. I'm sorry that this part of me has poisoned and had a horrid effect on some people's lives. I am sorry. I guess for now, I have to stop this heart of mine and contain the thoughts or feelings I have or will have in the future.

For as long this side of me still exist, I have to be on my own for now. Just do what I have to do. and carry on with my life as I always do. But I'm sure one day, I will be free once again. Free from the darkest side of me that continues to haunt me day and night, and wreck people's lives.

I will, and I believe I can.

Pain (part 01)

Pain..

Pain comes in different forms. Be it physical, mental and even spiritual pain..and in my opinion, the pain of another should never ever be compared to that one is suffering. It is something that everyone experience in life. I’ve suffered pain that has left a scar in my mind as well as in my heart and I will never ever forget, and I’m sure others have experienced the same too..

Pain can either be self inflicted or to others. One of the worst would be the lost of loved ones, a broken dream, lost in faith..and a lot more..even things that I thought would have been possible. The most common ones that I’ve seen are usually broken relationships among teenagers and young adults..

I’ve seen friends and relatives who have suffered and lost their way as a result of a broken heart. I understand some but not all the reasons of why this happens. Everyone has different needs and it will always be that way. There are those that do not have anyone to turn to, a non-supporting family or friends, alienated by others for their differences or just want to feel loved. Thus they thought their lover as their ‘everything’, mr.right, one and whatever. To them, their lover is all they have and means the world to them. I can’t really say much about this cause as I just said different people have different needs. But there are cases that this is a stupid thing to do. Some people would not only lose themselves, but would even commit suicide or turn towards alcohol or drugs to forget. To me, there is always a positive solution. Everyone will always have an option. Everyone deserves a chance to stand up and carry on with their lives. It takes strong will to not give up on yourselves.

For those that are still young, still goes to school and under the care of their parents shouldn’t hope too much in a relationship. There are so many that believes in true love and happy endings as they see in drama series and faerie tales. This is not completely wrong, as it depends entirely on the situation of the individual. An appropriate time would be when you are ready to ‘settle down’, you’re old enough, willing to take on new responsibilities, earning enough to support yourself or others. Its common nowadays that people would ‘submit’ themselves to their lover in the name of love. This is wrong. Many have fallen into victims. Young innocent or even underaged girls would surrender their virginity; others would devote their full attention to their lover instead of their education or families, or even commit acts of crime. This is nothing new. These people have been fooled and will break down once their partner left them for another person or disappeared.

I pity those who have had such an ordeal and pray that they do not give up on their lives and continue to live on. No one deserves to have their hearts broken. That is why, young teenagers shouldn't fully commit into a relationship, to not give everything that is important to your partners for love. There is no exact definition for love. But; "a feeling or sense of attraction between two individuals", would be good enough. In my opinion, true love is bullshit. A lot have confused love with lust, and would only realise this once they have fulfilled their sexual desires..

Yes, Love is beautiful. It's so beautiful that it can also blind people and turn it to close to that of a hellish experience...