Action always speak louder than words

Before I fly off back home, I would like to post a summary of what I have experience and any changes that I have gone through during my stay. Unfortunately, there are worse than there is good in what I’ve gone through.

The good:

I have a more positive attitude. I have developed a form of spirit on how I will fight for a dream that I want to achieve. I have started in going on my travels to wonderful places. Made good friends around UK. Improved my self-confidence. Stand on my beliefs and much more.

I have no interest in looking at the positive side of things. As this is what worries me the most.

The bad:

Instead of improving myself to become the man I want to be, I realized that, I have instead fallen, or have degraded into to that close to a failure. I have to be honest that this is worst of my academic years. I have submitted my assignments late and accumulated a number of resits. To me, this is unacceptable. But I still continue to do so. As I fight to be better, I still yet fail and have fallen. I dislike this lot. In fact, I hate myself for this. There are people’s lives in my hands, yet…I act immature and irresponsible.

I continue to do my assignments at the very last day. Always at the last minute. Ending up pulling an all nighter, which means no sleep for the whole night. This has affected both my health and mentality. And yet, I still continue to do so. I’m always distracted, and put other things at higher priority than others. Worst of all, I don’t know what has been keeping me distracted. games? The internet? Laziness? I say these are just some of the list. But I put the blame solely on myself. I have failed myself yet again. What is wrong with me? Why am I being so selfish? Irresponsible? I do not want this.!!

The very reason why I have put this up is so that I force myself into shame. I do not sympathy. In fact, I should be punish for my immaturity, and my lack of self-discipline. I fail to push myself to limit, honestly I don’t think I have pushed myself at all. I have been doing nothing but playing around. I’m a joke. I have been talking like a great man but I act nothing like it.

I realized that I am FULL OF TALK!! AND NEVER MADE THE ACTIONS!!

I believe this to be true. At least, more than half of it is. I have done well on other things but have failed to proof myself through my education. I have lied to myself. Why did I do this?
One of the reasons is that, I have decreased my religious activities. I have rarely prayed to Allah. Thus I have been punished. It is a lesson for me to learn. I must take it to heart. I know what needs to be done. I need guidance. Spiritual guidance. Faith. I have many to ask forgiveness from.

In my conclusion, I realize what I have done. I wish not to repeat this again. I just hope it is not to late to change things.

I can’t become a real man this way. Sacrifice has to be made as a lot have said. And its nothing but the truth. It’s about time I made my own sacrifice. The pressure will be greater than I can handle. I asked for it. So I have to face it. I turn back to the post that I had made a few months back. I swear that it’s the truth. It is…and I plan to keep it that way.