Ultimate

I think too much. I really do.

as its what always keep me up each passing night. so much thought inside my head. Images of the past and the future that I hope for. The future I wish to give to the people I love.

This is where the problem lies.

I've given up more than just my future for them. That.. I value myself lesser now. This isn't lack of confidence. It's something else. For the sins I have commited, for the future I have a chance of giving to others. I gave up my own future. I gave up my life. My life is theirs and I will use every tissue of my body, every drop of blood and my soul to protect them.

But like any other human, I can only do so much. I have my limitations. Physical limitations. Things beyond our control. Like illness and accidents waiting to happen. There is nothing that i can do, to stop them.

I realise that, once I've achieve my ultimate goal, I do not feel the need to continue on with my life. Because I have served my purpose, I feel complete and fulfilled that I would not care if my life was to end right after that. and I don't even mind..

This scares me.

This shouldn't be the way that things were suppose to end for me. As a friend of mine said; "you're still young, my friend". She speaks truth. Thank you. Maybe not now, but I will do my best. To create a future for myself. ambitions, love, dreams of any sorts. Yes. But that will have to wait. I will continue to pursue my ultimate goal. Clearing all obstructions in my path. To put a smile on the faces of the people I love..

To give them a place they can call home..

My life is theirs and thats how it will always been..

Ya Allah..

Please guide me..