No matter how much I have changed, there are still things inside me that still remains. As much as I have smiled more than I ever have. The tolerance and patience I have had to go through things that are heart breaking or unforgiving.
The rage..the demon inside me that I've had held so long. Is longing for it's release. To hurt. and already has. Its hurting me. Trying to make its way out of me. getting closer each passing day. But truth be told, the demon is me. My past that will never ever be forgotten. The part of me that I do not wish to show ever again. Sigh. Habits are always hard to break. Today I could feel it the most. As if this shell that I've tried so hard to keep, was about to break..to fall apart. To let loose, all the rage..the hate..vengeance that I have kept deep inside me for so long..I can't imagine, what I might do..whether I would be able to control myself..ever again..
My patience will always be continuously tested. Over and over again. Challenge after challenge. My guess, to test me. To see whether I will continue to repeat the same mistakes that I had made in the past. Alhamdullilah, there are times when I when I pass..and yet times when I still fail to pass the test. Allah will always give me the test and with that the mind, the strength and the heart to help me. These are the very benefits of being human. And I'm grateful and Thankful to Allah to give me these wonderful gifts, that has made me into the man I am today =')
until the death I breathe out my last breath of air, I will do my best to fight, for the things I believe in..the people I love and give would give my life for. I still a lot ahead of me and I will continue to face them head on. I believe in myself..something that I should have done along time ago.. thank you
(credits to MultiCurious from deviantart for picture)
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